Whenever a discipler is faced with the issues of confidentiality, the common concern among people is whether or not the one doing the discipling can or should keep the revealed information in confidence or in secret. The first matter to be addressed is the definition of what the difference is between true confidentiality and secrecy. The second is from what world we will glean our definition from: the Scriptures or the world. And finally, what each produces in the lives of who manifest them. First, what they mean from a secular point of view.

The Secular Definition

Confidentiality: Spoken, written, acted on, etc. in confidence: secret: indicating confidence or intimacy; imparting private matters; having another’s confidence: entrusted with secrets or private affairs; restrictions on the accessibility and dissemination of information.

Secrecy: The quality or condition of being secret or hidden; concealment. The ability or habit of keeping secrets; closeness. The state or condition of being secret, hidden, or concealed: privacy; retirement; seclusion: ability to keep a secret: the habit or characteristic.

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

The Scriptural Definition

The actions or results of Secrets:

1. "For Your arrows pierce me deeply, And Your hand presses me down. There is no soundness in my flesh Because of Your anger, Nor any health in my bones Because of my sin. For my iniquities have gone over my head; Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me." (Psalms 38:2-4)
2. "And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed." (John 3:19-20)

The actions and results of Confidentiality:

1. "But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God." (John 3:21)
2. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter." (2 Corinthians 7:10-11)
3. "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
4. "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." (Romans 13:10)

As we compare these two different kingdom definitions (the world and Heaven) of keeping confidentiality or secrets, we'll see that there are two different directions in which these actions will ultimately take you. When an individual asks you to keep what they state to you in a confidential manner, you must explain to them what this means, because they usually don't know what they are truly asking. You must clarify and define for them the difference. Are they asking you to keep a sin secret or are they asking you to keep something confidential? This gives the individuals being discipled a clear choice and chance to move either closer to God and the life of freedom He desires to give them, or farther into darkness and the suffering that that resulting action will develop.

The Difference

The difference is this: a secret will keep the one who has it hid in their conscience and heart sick and guilt- and shame-ridden, and will continue to tempt them and ultimately keep them in bondage to it. "When I kept silent, my bones grew old, through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer [Selah] I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,' And You forgave the iniquity of my sin" (Psalm 32:3-5). The revealed secret will also bring about temptation in the form of guilt, shame, and a state of confusion for the one who agrees to keep it. Usually, the one who holds it secret gets just as sick as the one who held it.

Secrets are usually birthed from sin, darkness, and our fallen nature and usually have a strong desire to stay that way. They cause a lack of trust because they have fear at their centers.

"Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. Secrets are centered in self and ignore the needs of others and if allowed, can drain the vitality and hope out of others if not revealed or exposed in a Christ-like manner" (1 John 4:17-18).

Confidentiality is held for the benefit and maturity of the individual and the potential growth of others. It usually moves the individual's heart towards the release of guilt and shame and into the light and freedom. It is the realization and manifestation of true forgiveness in the heart. It causes the cleansing of the conscience and lays the foundation for faith, hope, and love. Confidentiality never asks another to conceal a sin, crime, or ultimately become an accomplice, whereas a secret usually will and does. It will never bring harm or draws another into doubt or reproach and is grounded in love. Secrecy is usually an action of someone who is caught in idolatry (co-dependency), whereas confidentially is an action resulting from love.

"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water" (Hebrews 10:22). "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:8-10).

Steve Carr Definition

Confidentiality is an important aspect of the counseling process, and we will carefully guard the information you entrust to us. However, there are five situations when it may be necessary for us to share certain information with others:

• When a counselor is uncertain of how to address a particular problem and needs to seek advice from another pastor or elder in this church
• When a counselee attends another church and it is necessary to talk with his or her pastor or elders
• When there is a clear indication that someone may be harmed unless others intervene
• When a person persistently refuses to renounce a particular sin and it becomes necessary to seek the assistance of others in the church to encourage repentance and reconciliation
• When a crime has been committed (see Proverbs 15:22, Proverbs 24:11, Matthew 18:15-20, Deuteronomy 13:6-8) 

Please be assured that our counselors strongly prefer not to disclose personal information to others, and they will make every effort to help you find ways to resolve a problem as privately as possible.